Planning for Retirement as a Couple

Retirement is often framed as an individual decision. But for couples, there is another layer of complexity, and preparing well together can make all the difference in how things turn out. Unfortunately, couples often fail to communicate their plans for retirement because they assume they are already on the same page.

So the number one piece of advice for couples planning for retirement is the same as for couples at any other point: communicate.

But with drastic changes in day-to-day life after retirement, couples often face entirely new changes and challenges. Relationships that worked well in pre-retirement years sometimes need a bit of work during retirement. The rise in divorce rates among those around the average retirement age reinforces the new challenges that may arise in this phase of life. 

While divorce rates have gone down among younger age groups between 1990 and 2021, divorce rates among 65+ age group have tripled [1]. That being said, divorce rates among younger groups are still much higher than for those 65+—so it seems there is still something to be said for experience when it comes to marriage.

But what can couples do to better prepare for relationship changes in retirement? 

We have outlined six topics that are sometimes overlooked or even dismissed, and which can result in some struggles down the road. Taking time to discuss each of these points will go a long way to helping you prepare for retirement as a couple.

1. Get specific about your vision. 

Before you (and/or your partner) retire, take time to understand one another's hopes, expectations, and concerns for this next chapter. Also make sure to go beyond the big ideas and explore your vision for day-to-day life, between the travel, projects, etc. What will it look like for you, as individuals and as a couple?

What are the things you feel you must do in retirement? Where do you want to live? Who will you want to spend time with? Which pursuits will you enjoy? 

2. Get clear on your financial plan together.

Each partner’s involvement in financial planning is crucial for the plan to work. Furthermore, in the event of a health challenge or even the loss of your spouse, you will be so much better off if you already have a clear understanding of your financial situation. If you are not already meeting with a financial planner as a couple, now is the time to start.

3. Reflect on how retirement timing will impact your relationship.

Retiring at the same time can be difficult to actually execute, given the factors that come into play with the timing of retirement. But whether you retire at the same time, or different times, this will mean a unique set of changes and adjustments. 

Retiring at the same time will mean navigating retirement together, as a couple, while also navigating your own personal adjustments to retirement. Retiring at different times, on the other hand, will mean that one partner may be at home while the other is working. With either of these scenarios, there will be different expectations and hopes.

4. Consider time together versus time apart.

Retirement is an opportunity to spend more time with your partner. It also means you will probably have more time together than ever before. Spending time apart, on your own individual interests and with your own social circles can be just as beneficial for your relationship as having more time together. What pursuits will you enjoy together, and what will you enjoy doing separately?

5. Renegotiate household chores.

When one or both partners in a relationship retire, there are often shifting expectations around household responsibilities. Openly discussing these expectations and changes ahead of time helps to support a smooth transition for both partners.

6. Talk about how retirement is going.

Check in with one another about how you’re feeling about retirement. Everyone experiences retirement differently. For those who found a great deal of enjoyment with work, retirement might mean having to discover new avenues for fulfilment. For others, retirement may be exactly what they needed. More importantly, your feelings about retirement may change and fluctuate over time. Having a partner who will listen to your experiences is an invaluable form of support when things are challenging.

The same practices that have kept your relationship strong up to the point of retirement will also help to support your relationship in retirement. Nevertheless, there are bound to be some changes and adjustments that you will face as a couple after retirement. Communication around these changes will be crucial. 

For relationships that are struggling before retirement, extra care and attention may be required to successfully navigate this new terrain. For couples, satisfaction with retirement is not only about individual experiences, but the quality of their relationship.

[1] https://www.bgsu.edu/ncfmr/resources/data/family-profiles/westrick-payne-lin-age-variation-divorce-rate-1990-2021-fp-23-16.html

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For more information on retirement life planning, you can book a complimentary consultation with a retirement coach, or have a look at our training programs for professionals working with retiring clients.

Retirement Planning with the PERMA Model of Wellbeing

Martin Seligman, the founder of positive psychology, developed the PERMA model to outline key areas of life that impact our psychological wellbeing, throughout the lifespan. This model is useful to reference at any point in our lives, especially when we are considering ways to improve our wellbeing. It can also be particularly useful in planning for retirement, to ensure that we are considering these very important elements of life that support and enhance our wellbeing. 

So what does PERMA stand for, and how might you integrate this into your retirement planning? We take a look at each of these elements below and highlight some questions you might consider on your retirement journey.

P - Positive Emotion. This is probably the area that most people are thinking about when they start planning for retirement–more time for all of those hobbies and interests that bring us joy. Any activities or pursuits that evoke happiness, joy, or any other positive emotion are certainly an important part of our wellbeing. 

Of course, this is not to say that we need to strive to be happy all the time. There is a lot of work now highlighting the importance and value of negative emotions as well. But we all need a dose of positive feelings on a regular basis.

Consider those things that bring you the most joy and happiness—and be prepared to try new things as well. How will you integrate these things into your daily life in retirement? 

E - Engagement. At Retirement Life Plan, we emphasize the importance of quality over quantity when it comes to retirement activities. You might fill your calendar and keep busy all day long; but do those things feel engaging, inspiring, or rewarding? These are the pursuits that really support and enhance our wellbeing.  

Consider pursuits that you lose yourself in (e.g., you lose track of time), or challenges that you can really sink your teeth into. How will you incorporate these into your retirement on a regular and ongoing basis?

R - Positive Relationships. Positive, supportive relationships are crucial for our psychological wellbeing and our physical health. Not all relationships are healthy; in fact, some are quite toxic. So it is critical to focus on positive relationships, and consider your social network to be a part of your health regime. Also, retirement usually means significant changes in our social networks and relationships, so this is an area that many retirees find they need to actively work on. 

Consider the people and groups that will form a part of your social network in retirement. What positive relationships would you like to build on in retirement? Which relationships are you ready to step back from? Which ‘work’ relationships might you need to replace?

M - Meaning. Having a sense of meaning and purpose in retirement is a common concern among pre-retirees, and for good reason. A sense of meaning has been linked to higher levels of wellbeing, and again, better physical health. 

But the meaning (or definition) of meaning can vary quite a bit. In Seligman’s PERMA model, meaning is about involvement in something greater than ourselves. This tends to evoke big ideas about finding your meaning in life. 

At Retirement Life Plan, we think that these big ideas about meaning in life can sometimes distract us from noticing the small meaningful moments in our day-to-day life, which contribute to a broader sense of meaning. It also leads some to start looking around for something meaningful, rather than reflecting on their own personal ideas and experiences of meaningfulness.

Consider those things, larger than yourself, that you feel connected to. Recognise your values and the things that are important to you (e.g., helping others, creativity, lifelong learning). How will you incorporate these things into your retirement? Also, consider those little moments in your daily life that you find meaningful or worthwhile. How might these be incorporated into your retirement?

A - Achievement/Accomplishment. This represents pursuits that leave us with that sense of reward from something we have completed or accomplished. Of course, many of us gain this through work, and it can be difficult to think of leaving behind that feeling of satisfaction from a job well done. 

In our research on retirement adjustment and experiences, we have found that many people begin to shift away from their focus on achievement and accomplishment around the time of retirement. In fact, for many people, this shift is what leads them to begin considering retirement–sometimes when they previously felt they would never retire.

At Retirement Life Plan, we believe this can be one of the more challenging elements to replicate in retirement, particularly if you are transitioning to full-retirement (without any paid work). For some people, achievement may look quite different from, or be less important than it was in earlier years while they were working.

Consider how much accomplishment is important to you and how you will measure success. Which potential retirement pursuits involve a challenge, or require some skills, knowledge or abilities? Which pursuits will leave you feeling a sense of productivity, usefulness and accomplishment?

Considering these five elements of wellbeing will take you a long way in planning well for the non-financial side of retirement. Again these are areas that impact our wellbeing throughout life. In retirement, you take the reigns and responsibility in designing your lifestyle–deciding what sort of activities to include in your day-to-day life–and models such as this can be useful in making these decisions.

At Retirement Life Plan, we also focus on more retirement-specific adjustments and experiences. While the same elements that support wellbeing in earlier years will continue to support us in retirement, leaving work behind after so many years also comes with some unique adjustments. For more information, have a look at our research-based programmes for pre-retirees, as well as coaches/ professionals who are working with pre-retirees:

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